Waking Dreams

I'm really struggling right now with staying positive about the here and now moments, because every day feels like I'm falling behind somehow. Like I should be further along than I am. As though there is something incredibly important that I'm missing out on because my teacher is moving me along too slowly, or I'm not working hard enough, or there's something that I'm not quite understanding about what I'm trying to accomplish.

In short, the name of the game is patience, and lately it's been feeling like patience is winning the game handily over me and my own desperate need for success and instant gratification.

Part of the problem is that I'm almost too good about planning for the future.

It's that fine balance that I think we all probably struggle with; knowing where to draw the line. Where dreams have to stop, and we have to take some time to just live in reality for a while. Knowing when the moment becomes necessary to wake up for a time, and stop dreaming the days away.

Because I certainly know what I want in my life.

But because I have the same insecurities that anyone out there has about whether or not I'll get there, I'm desperate to move forward so that I can move through the uncertain times and jump to the success and security.

I want to go to Europe.

I want my life to really get off the ground.

And talking to my voice teacher about it is equal parts wonderful and terrible all at once. Because on the one hand, he thinks I have what it takes, and fully plans to help me get exactly where I want to go. But on the other, he throws around statements like "The next few years..." and "Well we need to give it at least eighteen months before..." and I want to scream! I'm restless! I want change! I feel like I'm spinning my wheels!

Now bless his heart, my teacher was very understanding and patient with me, and gave me the best advice he could - namely to just immerse myself fully in whatever I can with my music in the here and now - but it still at the end of the day boils down to me and how I deal with it.

It's not getting any easier.

But it's not like there's anything I can do about it.

So I'll just work on narrowing down my world to one day at a time. Every day I wake up, I'm just focused on today. Or at least, that's what I'll have to do when I start getting the proverbial ants in my pants that we all get at times. Nothing wrong with dreaming and planning for the future...but I have to remember that life is still happening in the here and now too.

Genetically Predisposed?

I had a fairly interesting conversation the other day with my voice teacher, regarding the theory/idea that where a person comes from is a factor in determining what kind of singer they will become. It's certainly not something I'd ever really thought of before; I'd always believed if being predisposed to be musical actually existed, it would come from musical talent in the family, regardless of race, ethnicity, etc.

Like a tendency to struggle with eyesight, or poor hearing. Or having slower or faster metabolism. Or acne.

But apparently there are many who believe your ethnic background can have as much of an effect on the kind of voice you'll have as anything else. Sure, there are some people who are more talented than others simply because they are who they are. And yet people are actually able to trace certain characteristics that follow certain groups of people.

For example, the truly dramatic singers (the Pavarottis of the world, if you will) tend to come from Italy, Scandinavia, and Germany. The lyric voices tend to originate more from France and Britain. And he gave several other examples, which at the moment I can't really recall (I'll have to listen again to the recording of that particular lesson to hear it all over again, because I found it absolutely fascinating!).

Fairly intriguing stuff.

At least it is for me. Because while I love music, I'm a scientist at heart too, and I love assimilating that kind of knowledge. Odd though it may sound, if I'd not gone into a world of music, I would have gone on to become a doctor. So I always get a kick out of him explaining the anatomical and biological mechanisms of the voice and how the vocal chords produce sound, etc. Absolutely love it. And on that note, i was loving this discussion regarding genetics and how it can affect not just a singer's overall sound, but their stage presence and approach to music as well.

The idea being, of course, that there are certain things ingrained in our genetic makeup. Instincts, almost, if you will, that drive us to act and be certain ways. Not that we aren't individuals as well...especially those of us in America, who tend to be one big mix of several things...but all these pieces of our genetic makeup really do play a role in determining what we become later.

In my case, my ethnic background can be broken down thus:

1/2 German
1/4 Norwegian
1/4 Jewish

I've always been told I have a very dramatic voice; big and full and rich. And that the same can be said of my stage presence (something I've always found very funny given the fact that off stage I'm usually a pretty unassuming person). And interestingly enough, essentially 75% of my makeup comes from those parts of the world that are characterized as producing the big, dramatic singers. And then Jewish singers tend to always have very sharp, accurate ears, and that's another thing I've always been fortunate enough to possess.

So I definitely found it all interesting.

Will that alone determine what I do and do not choose to do for my career?

Absolutely not.

At the end of the day I'll do what my voice is capable of, and what I love, regardless of genetic predispositions of any kind.

But it's still an interesting concept to think about, to be sure. And at the very least, maybe it'll give me that perfect excuse I've been looking for to tell people I don't like singing French. After all, no genetic predisposition there, right? Haha!

The New 'It' Man

Well I've done it!

Finally, after months and months of searching and researching and trying to figure out where and what was a good fit, I've found a new voice teacher. And he is absolutely amazing. I feel incredibly fortunate to have found him in the first place (a lot of luck involved...or fate lending a hand...take your pick...).

My mom is a Nurse Practitioner, and so while seeing a patient somehow or other my name came up, and she got the name of a Mr. Thomas Blaylock, who is the head of the Northwest Institute of Voice, along with a hearty recommendation. So she came home to me with the name, and I promptly typed in the name online to try and find contact information.

Initially that wasn't such an easy fete, because I couldn't find a Thomas Blaylock online or in the phone book, and nothing came up for a Northwest Institute of Voice either.

So I got creative.

I started looking at other hits, and sure enough the man's name came up a lot in the profiles of other artists (which I took as a good sign), and the Northwest Institute of Voice popped up on the profiles of other instructors (again, another good sign). So finally I emailed another instructor affiliated with the institute, asked if she might perchance know how best to get in touch with Mr. Blaylock, and she got me his email address and phone numbers and wished me luck.

So I called.

Got a lesson/evaluation.

And then he agreed to take me on.

I'm thrilled. I've had about five lessons with him at this point, and couldn't be happier. He and I work extremely well together, and I'm definitely looking forward to posting more regularly now that I'll have more updates for all of you! I'm going to attempt to post at least once or twice a week following my lessons to share what I learn and any progress I'm making.

Enough for now though...gotta run!